The New View - Jonesing for Gossip

The UltraViolet June 2008

By Taylor ‘09

Greetings, Marlborough! Now that the year is coming to an end (thank God, Allah, Buddha, etc.), I have been enlisted as the new View From the Top columnist. Again, thank God, Allah, Buddha, etc. because in every newspaper that comes out next year, you get to look at my gorgeous headshot and read my poignant words. Now, let me give you an account of one of my favorite hobbies: bad-mouthing others! (Poignant, right?)
As a middle schooler, I truly believed that I would one day grow out of gossiping. I thought seniors were virtuous deities who concentrated on bigger and better things, like academics and sports and community service and whatnot. I was oblivious. Girls NEVER grow out of gossip. As a soon-to-be senior, I can sincerely say that I am still a rumor-spreading connoisseur.
It’s vicious. I’m vicious, for that matter. I need that daily dish like Mary-Kate Olsen needs to put something in her mouth besides a cigarette. At 12, my contemporaries and I zealously discussed what girl wasn’t invited to our parent-supervised, single-sex birthday parties. It was scandalous at the time, sure, but it was a mere filet compared to the juicy double-porterhouse of high school trash-talk.
Walk into the living room, if you dare. You could hear your own name echoed through that room of gossip-hungry teens. Decline to participate in these chats, and you could be labeled sanctimonious buzzkill. Instead of trying to reform myself, I’ve learned to accept my hard-hearted nature and drink up the sweet milk of Marlborough’s delicious rumors. In fact, I find pleasure in introducing new ones.
Some may classify it as “wrong,” but I’ve given up trying to stop talking about subjects that I either a) don’t know much about or b) shouldn’t know about. Upon entering high school, it becomes a great deal more difficult to stop gossiping. Hormones kick in and people want to be independent, giving rise to a whole new crop of mistakes to be made by the previously saintly Marlborough girl. It’s way more fun to discuss these mistakes than, say, make a positive contribution to our school.
Perhaps my reluctance to stop talking trash stems from the abundance of gossip in today’s media. I’d say that PerezHilton.com, Gossip Girl, and even Sex and the City have hindered my ability to just not say anything. Instead of condemning rumor spreading, the media celebrates it, even though said rumors hurt people.
But hey, I’ve come to think of gossip like getting shots at the doctor. Sure, it hurts, but what kind of idiot doesn’t actually do it?