Lost organelle in 2009 amoeba

The UltraViolet October 2008

In seventh grade, I envisioned my senior self as a unit in a wondrous twelfth grade conglomerate, but in the amoeba that is the class of 2009, I’ve managed to feel like a lost organelle.

Unfortunately, the notion of class unity now seems a foreign concept. Have the people I used to relatively enjoy spending time with changed before my eyes? Have I been infected with leprosy and no one has told me? Have I become the doomed, hopeless loser I used to so enthusiastically mock?

Maybe it’s because as a senior, I’ve begun to completely reject the idea of “the acquaintance.” Hallway “hellos” become meaningless – Have we ever even talked about anything more than the upcoming history test or so-and-so’s party antics? I’ve realized how much more value one real friend holds than a hundred insignificant contemporaries. Mentally stimulating conversation has become a precious gem among layers of idle chatter.

The senior living room is the vortex of idle chatter, the eye of the senior hurricane. Throughout high school, I greatly anticipated the day I would inhabit the senior class’s own Mount Olympus from whence my classmates and I would reign over Marlborough with iron fists. Our Mount Olympus isn’t so epic after all, unless your definition of “epic” includes the stench of a freshly soiled diaper filled with marinara sauce. It resembles a landfill, and upon opening its door, an unpleasant symphony of squawking voices and Disney music blasts. I truly want to love it, even with all its flaws, but I’m consistently disappointed.

The fact that I am even writing a column about seniorhood is a mystery. I am Marlborough’s worst senior ever! I don’t care about which cartoon character best represents my grade. I haven’t started meticulously planning prom night months in advance. I’m uninterested in the dress I’ll wear on graduation day. Instead, I dream of burning said dress and achieving ultimate freedom from these violet shackles.

Graduates often urge me to “enjoy this year – it’s the best one of your life,” but I just can’t wait to get out. The fact that my high school career ends in just shy of a year elates me, because so far, twelfth grade hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. After May, I’ll never see most of these faces ever again, and yet, I find myself emotionally unaffected. I absolutely believed that I would grow closer to my classmates, but instead, I’ve drifted apart from them. I’ve chosen to be an outcast and haven’t savored the time I spend with my fellow seniors.

My excessively cynical outlook prevents me from reaping all the benefits of seniorhood. I hope to look back on this year fondly, but I cannot do so if I continue to alienate myself. I must embrace the class-wide gossip and eruptions of hysterical laughter in the living room, rather than try to shut them out. Within this first month of school, I’ve realized how optimism and acceptance are crucial to appreciate one’s high school years. I definitely need an attitude adjustment.

- Taylor ‘09