We're in the midst of a cookie crisis

If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll ask for a glass of milk. Take one from ’90s icon Angelica Pickles, and expect a temper tantrum. The student body must channel the latter cartoon character, because the freshly baked chocolate chip cookie has been exiled from our once-beloved cafeteria. We must kick and scream ‘til we stop the injustice and cookies return to their rightful homes: our stomachs.

I remember that warm, buttery noontime scent. It felt like Otis Spunkenmeyer himself was whispering in my ear, beckoning me with sweet songs of a crusty outside and a gooey middle. One bite into the steaming, golden brown discus was so memory-inducing that I could see each grade at Marlborough sail by as if I were looking at my adolescence through a moving train’s window. From ages twelve through seventeen, I would savor this 12:00 ritual. But now it’s gone. Both my memories and those of generations to come have been unjustly stripped from our feeble hands.

Marlborough places a strong emphasis on tradition, so I’m appalled that our school has been rid of a great one. Purchasing a cafeteria cookie might’ve been the only tradition that didn’t involve standing among your classmates looking like a coiffed fastidious priss (i.e. Pin and Ring Ceremonies) or slouching miserably in Caswell feeling like a talent-less imbecile (i.e. Cum Laude and Awards Ceremonies). The cookie was a unifying tradition. I’d stand in line with jocks, princesses, and straight-up weirdos, all of whom were connected by their love of the baked treat. “A cookie, please.” I’ll have what she’s having.

Smiles are narrower, but waists aren’t. Mr. Oie and select parents believe that eliminating the hands-down best treat will spawn a healthier Marlborough, yet chips, croissants, Pop Tarts, and mutant muffins remain. I’m down with a delicious, healthy cafeteria, but something tells me that the recession won’t allow for fresh ingredients. So just keep the cafeteria OG, fools! I can’t fathom how the perpetrators of this culinary crime believed that removing cookies would improve student health, because evidently they still condone the serving of tacos blanketed in cheese, bacon-studded baked potatoes, and Chinese food. It was an incredibly pointless move.

Just bring back cookies, Mr. Oie. You can restore happiness as quickly as you destroyed it, so why not?

-Taylor '09